Link of the Moment:
Subversive Cross Stitch

A great present for Grandma!

Tidbit/Quote of the Moment:
Fake News: 1 Real News: 0

"You know what's interesting, though? You're just a big a dick on my show as you are on any show!" Jon Stewart to Tucker Carlson, on Crossfire.

11:32 PM  |  Bitches and Hos.
It's done.

Requiem's Road, my novel, is done.

Now, I get to edit it.

3:08 PM  |  So, I didn't have school today...
ROBOT ATTACK!!!11ONE

8:22 PM  |  Seb's Guide to Surviving Church during the Holidays

Step 1. Everytime someone says, "Christ" or "Jesus," replace it with a humorous body part. Ex. Romans 10:9, "If you confess with your mouth that Penis is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead you shall be saved."
Step 2. When someone says, "May Peace be with you," imagine they are actually saying, "May the Force be with you."
Step 3. Replace all occurences of "Amen" with "Werd." Ex. "Deuteronomy 27:21 - Cursed be he that lieth with any manner of beast. And all the people shall say, Werd."
Step 4. Whenever God or Jesus refers to man, replace "man" or "my people" with- depending upon your preference- "my peeps", "my homies", or "my niggahs". Ex. "Exodus 5:1: And afterward Moses and Aaron went in, and told Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Let my peeps go,"
Step 5. Change all references to Bethlehem to "The Hood". Ex. "Matthew 2:1 - Now when Jesus was born in The Hood of Judaea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem,"
Step 6. Comedy!

9:29 PM  |  I'm Baaaack. Kinda.
Hey everyone. It's been awhile, but, as I'm sure many of you know, this time it is with much reason. November is National Novel Writing Month, and I participated (And Finished!) this year. I had to write write anywhere from 1000-3000 words a day, depending on my productivity, so that didn't leave much time for this humble website, which I don't have much time for even when I'm not undertaking an absolutely insane amount of writing.

Anyways, 50,000 words, 160 pages, and 30 days later, I'm still not done. I finished the word requirements for the month, yeah, but I'm going to need anywhere from anotehr 10-15,000 words to actually finish the story. This means that any spare time I actually have to write is still probably going to go into that, instead of this. ::shrug::

On the bright side, though, I think it's turning out great so far, and if anyone's interested in reading it, just send me an e-mail and let me know.

11:32 PM  |  NaNoWriMo
I find it kind of telling that one of the sections inf the forums on the National Novel Writing Month website is named, "I Hate Myself and I Want to Die." Go writers.

8:32 PM  | 
I just spent twenty minutes looking at a box in my pantry- ambiguously labeled "Animal Cookies"- trying to figure out if they were meant for people or animals. In retrospect, I think they were for animals.

10:52 PM  |  Tricks, Treats, and Insulin.
Yeah, so, tonight, I was really excited, because I had all this candy, and then I remembered that I had diabetes and I cried.

In slighty more hilarious news, we saw this picture a kid had drawn of a ghost, and it had a speech bubble that said, "Poo", because little kids forget things like the bottom of B's! I'm still laughing, and that was like four hours ago.

7:34 PM  |  I just got a little pussy.
As my loyal readers will know, a few weeks back, I blogged about some pussies. Well, that story has come to it's inevitable conclusion, and we've brought one into our home. I just want to say that whoever said that, "you can never have too much pussy" never had five of them clambering for his attention at once, and certainly never had the same amount of trouble as I do with their hair. It's all over my clothes and everything. I've heard that some people shave them, but that strikes me as kinda cruel.

I'm talking about a new kitten, by the way.

3:27 PM  |  Money, money, money.
I wish I was rich so I could give all the kids tons of candy on Hallowe'en.

1:37 AM  |  Eat your heart out, New York
Hey, Yankees. How does it feel? You're the first team to ever lose after having a 3-0 game lead. Nice job. Man, it must suck to be from New York.

Sox all the way, bitches. Even if I wasn't a diehard Masshole, there's something unerringly romantic and cheering about that comeback. The biggest comeback in the history of the sport, between the two biggest rivals in the sport. It's a beautiful thing, and I hate baseball.

10:51 PM  |  Speaking of jokes...
A lawyer dies and goes to Hell.

He meets Satan, who says, 'You are supposed to be in heaven, because you spent your life defending the rights of those who sought justice.'

And so the lawyer went to Heaven.

At that same moment, a High School guidance counselor died and went to Hell.

He meets Satan, who says, 'How many kids did you fuck in the head, you screwy freak? Would you like the vultures eating your insides or the non-vultures eating your insides section? We also have an opening in the boiling cauldron of oil. It's a favorite.'

Satan admits to not thinking this joke through and would like to apologize for wasting all your time.

All week, folks. All week.

9:30 PM  | 
How long does it take Frodo to answer the phone?

One ring.

Ba-zing! I'll be here all week, folks.

Tip your waitress.

8:38 PM  |  Christopher Reeve
It's kind of sad that my most recent posts are just because of things like this, but it's even sadder when we lose a beacon of hope like Christopher Reeve. I've never been a huge fan of him, but he was undeniably a good man, when it came down to it. Whether this is because of the example he provided, or tall of money he raised to help the paralysed, I mourn his passing.

I feel kind of bad about this next part, but it's the truth, so here it goes. I apologize in advance for the bad taste, but it does have a point, and it's not disrespectful in the least. Last night, I was in the car with my mom, and I recounted one of the most distasteful, and hence horribly funny, jokes in recent memory. It is as follows.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.

Cue guilty laugh. Then, this morning, at around 7, my mom woke me up. "Christopher Reeve died today because you told that joke last night." I rolled over and went back to sleep, and I didn't remember it until I read about his passing on my own. I'm not sure whether this is just irony, or someone up above trying to tell me something, but either way, it's funny. I guess what I'm saying is that sure, life is sad, but you've gotta learn to laugh at it, because otherwise you don't stand a chance.

9:01 PM  |  Rodney Dangerfield
Hey always said that he could never get any respect, but goddamn, did he deserve every bit he got. Goodnight, Rodney.

10:21 PM  |  Out of the frying pan
So, the other day, I was standing in the science hallway, and this kid is walking by, holding this box of candies, bouncing it by the handle. Out of nowhere, the handle snaps, and I break out in laughter. Maybe I'm an asshole, or maybe I just like to laugh at life. Who knows?

Anyways, I think this kid is a freshman, so I don't feel bad. I feel like I have some of responsibility to be at least a minor-league douche, you know? So I laugh some more, and I turn to the person standing next to me, and I say, "You know, I know I should feel bad, but I don't. I just don't."

Then, the kid turns slightly, and I get a better veiw of them. And, wouldn't you know it, they're handicapped. I clapped my hand over my mouth and scurried back into my classroom.

I'm going to hell, aren't I?

Current Movie:
The Incredibles!

Incredible, and more!

Current Obsession:
Scrubs

 Still awesome. Tuesday at half past nine, bitches.